Maybe Not So Bad
by Calyn
Summary: You've seen the movie and read the fics. But Susan has her own opinion of her relationship with Caspian. The end of the movie from Susan's point of view. A oneshot in two chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_Because I enjoy foiling Andrew Adamson. Been in the works for while.  
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"I will look after it until you return," Caspian vowed, gripping the sword.

I took a deep breath. "I'm afraid that's just it," I said quietly. Caspian's head turned to me, and I looked him straight in the eyes. "We're not coming back."

His eyes widened in shock and horror.

_Oh dear. I was afraid of this. This may be a—_

A small gasp at my side reminded me that Caspian was not the only one who had heard my words.

"We're not?" Lucy asked, looking up at me with the beginnings of tears in her eyes. However hard it was for me to leave Narnia, it would be doubly so for her—she had lived half again as long here as she had in England.

_Nay, good my sister_, I thought, slipping into the speech we had all been taught as adults to use on important occasions. What was more important than this? _Indeed, thou and thy young brother shalt return._

"You two are," Peter said to Edmund and Lucy as he walked over to join us. "At least..." Peter glanced back at Aslan. "I think he means you to."

Lucy looked at Aslan with a slightly desperate look. "But why? Did they do something wrong?"

"No indeed," said Aslan. "Your brother and sister have learned much in this world, but they have grown older, and it is time that they begin coming closer to their own."

"It's all right, Lu," Peter said as he walked the few paces to Lucy. He bent down a bit and took her hands. "It's not how I thought it would be, but it's all right." He smiled, and Lucy gave a small wavering smile of her own. "One day you'll see too. Come on." He led her over to the small line of Narnians across from us, and Edmund followed them.

I watched as they made their goodbyes to Trufflehunter, Reepicheep, Glenstorm, Trumpkin, and Doctor Cornelius. Lucy seemed to find it particularly difficult to say farewell to the dwarf. I made to follow them, but—

"Queen Susan..."

I turned to look at the new young king. "Yes, King Caspian?"

"I...I wish we had more time together," he murmured quietly. Bless him, he looked terribly nervous and embarrassed. I smiled, but I couldn't help sighing on the inside. _I shouldn't have let it—or him—go this far. I __**knew**__ we were going to leave, and it seems he may have misunderstood the situation. I am sorry he had to learn like this that sometimes a flirtation is only a flirtation._

"It would never have worked, Caspian," I said, still smiling.

"Why not?" he asked, confused.

_Well, I do not reciprocate your starry-eyed infatuation. That is one reason. And there are at least a dozen other valid reasons. But humor seems the best way to go right now._

"I _am_ thirteen hundred years older than you," I gently reminded him.

He smiled slightly.

I smiled back at him and turned to walk away. Then I paused. Thoughts flew through my head in an instant.

_I can't just leave him like this. I don't want him pining after his "lost love." He needs to fall in real love with someone and marry. This has to end with something definitive, something he can remember as a real end, something that can become a memory. I have to let him down nicely._

I swallowed hard.

_Oh, Aslan help me, I'm going to have to **kiss** him._


	2. Chapter 2

_Better get it over with as soon as possible_. I turned and quickly walked back to Caspian. Before he knew what was happening, I reached up and pulled his head down. _This isn't what I pictured when I imagined my first schoolgirl kiss_, I thought, and quickly pressed my lips to his.

It wasn't a passionate kiss. Had it lasted a mere moment, it probably could have been called "a chaste peck on the lips." But, being that it was of some importance, it had to last rather longer than that.

I could tell Caspian wasn't expecting anything like this. There was a quiet collective "Ohhh..." from the crowd. I winced internally. _Oh dear. Now they'll all think we're in love. But it can't really be helped. This had to be done._

We stayed like that for another few seconds, one of my arms gently pulling Caspian's head down, both of his at his sides. Then I pulled away. Caspian stood for a moment, and then pulled me into a convulsive hug. Two things immediately struck me. First, he was quite a strong young man. Second, I was very short compared to him. I'd had to stand on tiptoe to kiss him and his head was lying on my shoulder, much as Lucy's had been on Trumpkin's when she hugged him.

A bit reluctantly, I put my arms around him. Fortunately my face was away from the crowd, so they couldn't see me roll my eyes slightly. It was clear to everyone that Caspian was rather desperate to hold on to me as long and hard as he could.

_It is definitely a good thing that we are for sure and certain leaving_, I thought._ I don't know how the others would explain the sudden disappearance of their sister._ I imagined Peter._ "I'm sorry, Mother, but a newly-crowned King from another world fancied Susan and decided to keep her."_

I stifled a chuckle and smiled instead.

A dozen feet away, I could hear my siblings talking to each other in low voices. I don't believe they intended me to hear their comments.

"I'm sure when I'm older again I'll remember why..." Lucy ventured carefully.

"I'm already on my way to being 'older again,'" Edmund said with a hint of a laugh in his voice, "and I don't think I _want_ to remember."

I smiled again.

Caspian finally released me, and after one last look between us I walked back to my siblings. I couldn't manage to wipe my smile at their words off my face, even though I knew they would take it as being a result of the kiss. I reached down and took Lucy's hand.

Then I looked at Aslan one final time, hoping against hope, praying that he would know why I'd kissed Caspian, _willing_ him to read the reason in my eyes. I didn't want him to think badly of me, that I'd been trying to play with the new king's feelings or manipulate him.

He met my eyes and gave one slow nod. Relief washed over me, and the tension drained away.

_He knows. Even if no one else does, he knows. And that's all I needed._

And with that, the four of us turned and walked through the tree—Edmund, Peter, me, Lucy—and straight into a busy London subway.

I looked down. Gone was the beautiful blue dress, replaced by my stuffy uniform. I could feel that my hair was no longer in curls, but once more pulled back as it had been before we'd entered Narnia. A quick glance showed that my siblings too were once more wearing their own uniforms.

A train slowed to a halt in front of us. The doors slid open and people began to hurry in and out. We simply stood, locked in place for a timeless moment, thinking over all that had just happened.

"Aren't you coming, Phyllis?" A light, slightly perplexed voice broke our reverie, and we all looked into the train.

_Phyllis...oh, that's right._

It was the spectacled boy, the boy from the newspaper stand, the boy who'd told me he went to Hendon House. He looked genuinely confused. My siblings and I looked at each other, then spun to grab our various bags and suitcases and bundles. We hurried into the train next to the boy.

"Do you think there's any way we can get back?" Edmund said rather desperately, pawing through his satchel. We all looked at him with puzzled expressions. "I've left my new torch in Narnia!"

As the doors closed, we all laughed—even the spectacled newspaper stand boy, albeit a bit nervously.

_Phyllis_, I mused as the train began to move. _I suppose it's not such a horrible name. _I looked up at the boy. _Perhaps England isn't so bad after all._

And I smiled.

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><p>The subtitles say "I think he means you two." Grammar plus common sense says "That's silly." Peter and Susan already knew they weren't coming back, so of course Aslan meant their younger siblings. Plus, using "to" fits the book. Other lines were altered as well, for various reasons. Link to full AN, with explanations and thoughts, is on my profile under the blurb for this story.<p>

Susan smiles a lot in this. Huh.

And yes, those last two paragraphs _are_ an implied pairing. Susan/Geeky Boy FTW. Because "Phyllis" by Dearheart is entirely awesome.


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